Valentine's Day Winner and Losers: Steve Urkel and Laura Winslow, Family Matters

When it came to romances based on sitcoms, there is always the big question of "will they or won't they?" and for me that was definitely the case of Steve and Laura in Family Matters. As a show I always felt it was a bit underrated as shows like the Cosby Show and the Fresh Prince of Bel-Air are still held in higher regard in terms of black sitcoms. At the time, sitcoms involving African-Americans were either about them being in the ghetto or being successful, Family Matters was about a middle class family that just happened to be African American and while they tackled some issues in line with that community, it honestly felt more real than other shows. Throughout the entirety of the show, the back and forth between Steve Urkel and the characters of Carl, his son Eddie, and his daughter Laura, were what made the show and possibly saved it from cancellation. Each of those relationships were important to Steve as Carl was the father he always wanted, Eddie was his self proclaimed best friend, and Laura was the love of his life. Today for Valentine's Day we are going to focus on the relationship between Steve and Laura which started as an near obsessive love that ended in a truly loving ending.

The Beginning and Middle School

"Laura, I know that I'm not worthy of you, but I just can't help loving you. It's like wanting to touch a star-you know you'll never reach it but you've got to just keep trying"

Steve was introduced as a one shot character as a date for Laura by her father Carl but he was not aware of his obsession with her or exactly who Steve was. Laura did know Steve, as it turns out he's been infatuated with her since kindergarten and since then he's been determined to win her love. It was clear that Laura honestly was not interested in Steve at all and saw him like everyone else did: a nerd, and not just any nerd but the ultimate example of a nerd. When you first look at Steve as a character you would think that his infatuation with Laura was really just superficial and we don't know exactly what started it but in the episode Marriage we do see exactly how passionate he is about her and Laura does at times find it endearing. The two of them even found a growing friendship that worked so long as Steve kept the professions of love to a minimum. When Laura and Steve tried out for cheer leading and basketball and the two of them didn't get a chance to play, it was Steve who motivated her to keep the faith that her time would come and whenever someone bullies or takes advantage of Steve (usually Eddie), it is usually Laura who calls them out and fixes it.

High School

"I'm wearing you down baby, I'm wearing you DOWNNNNN!"

By the time Steve and Laura entered high school, there was no actual sign of Steve's feelings for Laura dying down and we saw exactly just how far Steve was willing to go for her when he altered his DNA. Stefan Urquelle was everything Laura wanted in a guy and what Steve always wanted to be, suave, cool, someone who people wanted to hang out with though he proved to be horribly shallow and narcissistic to the point where Laura demanded Stefan turn himself back into Steve. The two of them continued to be friends though Laura would never actually admit it. Steve's patience with Laura came to head when he had offered to drive her to Cincinnati for a competition after she overslept and said that just because she didn't love him doesn't mean she could treat him like garbage. Finally having enough of Steve interrupting her dates she hooked him up with Myra Munkhose who was in a lot of ways, a female Steve Urkel and the two would eventually date and Laura admitted to missing Steve's companionship as a friend. Throughout their time together, Laura would defend Steve despite how annoying she found him, like when Steve as accused of blowing up the science lab and again when people took advantage of his good nature. Steve would later attempt to turn into Stefan again, using a more perfected version of the transformation which cut back on the narcissism and Stefan was back much to Myra's dismay though we found later on that the transformation wouldn't last. When Steve perfected it, Stefan found himself happy with Laura but that he didn't like himself so he couldn't do it and Laura sadly accepted. 

College and Final Season

"Steve has other qualities I find attractive. He's kind, generous, intelligent, and he makes me laugh."

By the time Steve and Laura had gone to college, the two of them had become even greater friends though Steve was still just as clumsy and sometimes irritating as always, especially since Steve had moved in with the Winslows. At this point, Steve had begun to go steady with Myra and it seemed that he did still love Laura but had no intention of pursuing her. When Steve had accidentally cloned himself, Laura came up with the idea of transforming the clone into Stefan and the two of them pursued a relationship. Stefan would later proposed to Laura but realized that he himself still had no idea who he was as a person so the two decided to wait while he became a model in Paris. At some point, Steve found himself looking for change, the idea that he couldn't just be himself, he had to be better so he started to improve his clothes (more adult and simple) and speech as well as other things later on. This all ultimately came to a head when Steve brought Laura home from a party drunk and she kissed him. Steve said he would like to talk about it but Laura lies and says she doesn't remember. While Steve starts trying to improve himself he draws Laura's eye though he doesn't find out she has feelings for him until an experiment allows him to accidentally read her mind. Steve decides to break it off with Myra so he can attempt to win her over and the two start dating casually and when both he and Stefan propose to Laura, she ultimately chooses him.

Steve Urkel

"I'd give anything to make you happy."

Steve as a character is honestly fascinating when you think about who he is under the suspenders, accordion, and love of cheese and science. It's mentioned early on that Steve's parents don't like him, they don't let him meet his extended family, they go out of their to avoid conceiving another child that might be like him, and his mother has him refer to her by her actual name over mom. This explains why he goes to the Winslow house so much, he wants to be a part of something, a part of a family. His interest in Laura doesn't seem to be just a physical attraction as he' remembers in kindergarten when she shoved play-doh in his face and it is implied that's when it started. When it comes to his character, Steve does seem to have a knack for seeing the best in people and not giving up hope, and wanting to help people and I often wonder if it's because he himself has no one to help him. He actually does view the Winslows as the family he always wanted and admits to having nothing but great respect for  Carl, viewing him as the father he always wanted. In the creation of Stefan I think we also see something interesting as Stefan is created first in the image he sees popular kids as: smooth, confident, cool, totally shallow and hating Steve Urkel, but still in love with Laura. When Steve became Stefan totally, he found himself unhappy because he wasn't himself, implying that Steve himself doesn't like the idea of being only what people would like him to be. In regards to Laura, Steve has a shown that he is willing to go through any lengths to protect her, boxing bullies, and even risking his life in a race just so she wouldn't on the chance she got hurt. However, we have seen that Steve won't do anything to force Laura to do something as he he let her off the hook for agreements like dates, and kisses, finding that her doing because she owes him is dishonest and longs for the day when she wants to kiss him. When she was under the influence of a powerful aphrodisiac and was throwing herself at him, Steve admitted he couldn't take advantage of her like that and took the antidote. He also refused to become Stefan for their senior prom because Stefan didn't go to high school for four years, he did. I think what I like best about Steve in regards to his relationship with Laura is how he handled his relationship with Myra which had become strained as he began trying to improve himself, upon finding out that Laura had feelings for him Steve broke it off with Myra and was very upfront about why. While it felt immature, Steve knew he couldn't be happy with Myra if he didn't try. It should be noted that Steve has never really seen himself as worthy of Laura, even going so far as to leave for Russia because he didn't think she would pick him over Stefan, someone he had created to be in his mind, a better version of him

Laura Winslow

"What I'm saying is I love you and I wanna marry you."

Laura as a character honestly is a bit hard to place as her role in the story almost feels at first to be the love interest for Steve, someone who honestly took control of the show and changed the dynamic which was supposed to be more in line with the show Perfect Strangers. Laura comes off as a rather fully realized character, a Type A personality in a lot of ways with a lot of wit to her, which I think the show prided itself on. Laura holds not only a high standard for herself but others as well and seeks to do the right thing and from a young age, envisioned big things for herself. She wants to attend Harvard and become a lawyer but when she finds out her father cannot afford to send her there she tells them that she doesn't want to go to Harvard and instead attends a state school. Laura hates bullies and people who try to tell her what to do, she broke it off with one of her boyfriends because he told her to stop hanging out with Steve. A lot of the trouble Laura usually got into involved her trying to prove to people that she could be a "bad girl" instead of "Miss Perfect Goodie Two Shoes". When it comes to Steve, I like to compare her relationship to him with the one Naruto and Sakura had in the first part of Naruto, she doesn't hate Steve or dislike him but she finds him annoying at times and for the most part she considers him a friend more and more as the series continues. I think in a lot of ways, Laura's feelings for Steve not only began in episodes where she saw how far he would go for her (like searching the dump for hours in the winter to find her lost doll) but also just in how much she missed him when he was gone. When she did date Stefan the first time, while she hated that he was shallow and vain, she drew the line when he called Steve a village idiot. When she and Stefan are  dating, she does start to notice Steve more as he tries to improve himself, wearing better fitting clothes and improving his speech, these don't change who he is but it does let him be seen differently. Laura has stated that there are things about Steve she has always found attractive as a person, his kindness, intelligence, and his ability to make her laugh. When she does start dating Steve, she at first thinks she wouldn't enjoy things like Polka Houses but later finds she enjoys it as well as seeing another part of Steve's life she had no idea about. When ultimately given the choice of marrying Stefan or Steve, Laura realizes she cannot imagine her life without Steve and accepts his proposal.

Final Thoughts

I think what ultimately made Steve and Laura work as a couple was that they were not only similar people but they were always the same people consistently throughout the series. Steve and Laura are both people of principle who set standards for themselves that they come close to breaking but ultimately don't. It is not only Steve's boundless devotion to Laura that works but also Laura's sincerity. Laura doesn't mince words with how she feels about Steve but at the same time she is still his friend and for all of Steve's faults, she knows she can count on him to be honest with her. In a lot of ways, their relationship is a lot like that of Ron and Kim from Kim Possible. It's interesting that when you think about their other love interests (Myra and Stefan) that they in a way reflect a failure to grow and change. With Myra, Steve is allowed not to change, only liking himself and not improving as Myra seems to only want Steve a certain way and honestly she kind of fetishiszes him in a way that he never did with Laura. With Stefan Laura had her ideal guy, her dream come true, this is shown even more in how he proposed to her at Disney World, in front of the Castle of Dreams, dressed as princes and princesses. When Stefan brings it up she is touched but she is more touched by the memory of when a younger Steve presented her with a ring in the episode Marriage. Both Steve and Laura grow up by realizing that they cannot ideally stay the same. The more I think about it, Laura's story in the show is about her learning of the reality of the world, that grand things aren't needed and that it doesn't always work out. Her friend Maxine doesn't want to be a lawyer, she can't afford to go to Harvard, and the grandest gestures pale in comparison to simple ones made out of love. Steve's story is honestly about learning to grow as he in a lot of ways has grown complacent, he's gotten so usde to liking himself that he's never thought that a change may be a good thing. Stefan goes through more changes than anyone and Steve is present through all of it so it could be argued that Stefan either took his development or that neither of them would ever truly develop into full people which according to some sources say would have happened when Stefan died in season 10, sending parts of himself back into Steve. Steve learns to change not so people will like him, but so he will like himself. The relationship of Steve and Laura is one of friendship, growth, and love.